Borrego Desert Photo Diary
Curating this post is not easy. It's only been a little more than a week old but the memories from the desert is deep and strangely nostalgic. It takes some courage to review the trip and reconsider its meaning and the impact on my life. This is going to be a wordy and content explosive post so make sure you're ready.
I don't even know where to begin. Before this trip I was under a constant mental challenge about myself and the life I corruptly lived. I can come up with a handsome amount of adjectives to describe it but to spare some time, that, it was bad. Really bad. I was trapped. I had trouble sleeping and my thoughts lingered on negatives; my phobias grew stronger and finally took its toll on me. When life runs its course on you, but you can only accept it and watch it do its thing. It was disastrous.
I spent a week away from my normal depressing life and strayed away from what people think about me in my social situation; I tossed myself into the wild, quiet land and immured myself into the billowing heat, letting the nature to decompress and nurture my core self and ego - purely accepting what's offered to me.
Sometimes when I resurface on certain things that happened in my life, I can feel the tickle in my throat and the fuss coming up from my stomach. After many given trials I would still find it hard to articulate what actually went wrong. I understand that everyone's life or trouble and doubts could be much more sentimental but I'm sure you understand what I am indicating when I say "dunno what went wrong". I was constantly washed over by a strange sense of despair; I must have overlooked something severely awful.
While in the desert, everyday for 7 day straight, I took some time to sit by myself somewhere away from my friends and just listened to the warm breeze and stared at nothing. It was a rare occasion that I get to keep it to myself without feeling obligatory of anything. The desert was so empty in sight, but strangely it built something in my heart. It's so transparent that I can barely see it but it's surely there.
Now being back to the hustling and bustling city life, I know I am a changed person; integrated or reevaluated, whatever that make sense to you. People around me also pick up the difference. Just like the old scenario, I don't know what went right, either. I wish I have a better choice of wording. When thing's working on the right track you just know which way to take, subconsciously. I waved goodbye to some unhealthy habits and feeling much more relieved than ever. I learned how to get along with myself, again. Finally for once in my life I too can say it out loud that I am happy of who I am. Insecurity is like the blood running in our veins and certainly no one wants to get bloody. But we all know it's the pain that brings us a lesson; it's the scar that proves that we grow up. I had to make choices, wishing to pull a benign but firm decision.
I also understood, once again, if you always have this constant doubt in your heart, maybe it's not meant to be; maybe it's time to readjust; maybe it's time to recollect; maybe, it's time to move on.
photo 2, 6 & 8 portraits by Ziwei Tian
Portraits in photo 3, 7 by Ziwei Tian
Portraits in photo 2 &4 by Ziwei Tian, 6 by Alicia Rodriguez
Photo 6 & 11 by Mario De La Isla
Photography & post production by Ariel Tzu-Chi, otherwise stated.